The Truth That We Hear
I think it’s a vulnerable thing when a girl wishes to be worth the inconvenience and wonders if she is. Worth the expense, worth the trouble, worth the fight, worth the love, worth …. it. I get this sickening feeling that I am a burden or expensive and I get completely self-conscious that I will be ‘too much’ and I want to insist on covering for myself. It is extremely painful for me to hear even the slightest mention of anything bought for me being expensive… with those words I gain a thousand questions and the doubts flood in. Inconvenient or burdensome .. I don’t want to be it, and so I carry my independence in this pre-packaged need to provide for myself.
It’s a vulnerable thing when we long to be the chosen when given a choice of whom to choose.
I think it’s also a vulnerable day when you realize you are not, and you will not be. When you secretly have this little hope in your heart, but are expecting all along that he will not choose you. And then you really want to kick yourself for hoping, because in that little hope you hurt a lot by the reality that hits you.
But why the HECK do I still hope? I hate that I do.
I think in the chosen-ness there is spoken volumes of love and commitment and desire.
I just wanted to be chosen.
