Words that should remain unsaid..
Do you ever just wish you could take something you said back? Like completely just go back and retract what you said. Even while I am writing this I am picturing rewinding a movie – like back when we had VCR tapes – and watching things go backwards in warp speed.
“Taaaaaake 58,873!” (Because that’s how many tries I need to get it right)
That is like my entire life wrapped up in an instant. I am too honest sometimes. I used to think that was a GOOD thing, but lately I have been wondering.
For example. I have this wonderful boyfriend. He deserves the best… seriously. He is the most supportive, caring, loving man. He pulls my dreams out of me and cherishes them with me. I just really can’t convey in words how great he is.
But I have the wonderful gift of communicating way too much and being way too demanding and saying the wrong things and hurting him. Jesus clearly hasn’t quite finished the sanctifying work in me and I have a lot to grow in.
This is frustrating me to no end.
Seriously.
GRRRR.
I dislike this about myself. (Sigh.)
So here’s my question (and mostly this is just me writing in my thoughts because I don’t think anyone reads this) – does “considering someone better than yourself” mean … to an extent … protecting them by not being fully truthful? They don’t really NEED to know that I actually don’t like (fill in the blank here). It delights them that they gave it, therefore it should delight me, and I will act like it delights me.
I feel like society, relationships, and people are telling me to smile and say nice things and make people always feel good and not to challenge or say anything bad. Yet this is not always honesty. Is it better to be always kind and considerate or always truthful? Hmm.
I suck at lying, so this proves to be difficult. But suddenly I understand why people fake loving Christmas gifts, why they tell others that that hideous fur coat looks lovely on them, and why no one EVER looks fat in those jeans. I think I get this cycle now. While I’m not overly excited about joining all those lying phonies out there, today I think I understand them a bit more. I’m just a bit unsure of what to do now.
For the record, though… don’t you DARE lie to me. Tell me you don’t like the gift so that next time I can get it right, give me your true opinion on the gross fur coat, and encourage me to go to the gym. I want truth.
That is all.
